Toy Review: Pirates – Janine’s Cannon Fire

Pirates: Janine’s Cannon Fire
Digital Playground
Price: Approximately $60 – 80

Digital Playground’s Pirates fans remember Janine as the deliciously lusty female pirate who genuinely enjoyed being with other women, by which I mean, she genuinely enjoyed having sex with them.

Given that, it makes perfect sense that she both appears in all her piratical glory on the packaging and has something big, powerful, beautiful, and pleasurable bearing her name.

The Cannon Fire is essentially a phthalate-free “rabbit-style” vibrator with a velvety smooth battery case/controller handle decorated with crystals and theme-appropriate art. The tickler portion of the vibrator itself is, naturally, a cannon poised to lob its cannon ball just over the more-than-slightly-uncircumcised-looking upturned g-spot tip, which obligingly rotates.

Four AAA batteries (not included) provide inspiration for three steady speeds and four variable speeds and clitoral stimulation. Considering the sturdy feel of this toy, its gentle hum is especially surprising – and welcome.

With 5-inches of insertable medical grade TPE shaft and slightly more by circumference, Cannon Fire is filling without being overwhelming. In spite of its pirate association, I don’t recommend taking this toy into the bathtub, because “splashproof” doesn’t have the same conviction that “waterproof” has.

My only criticisms of this work of beauty relate to the control buttons.

There are three symbols on the backlit, illuminated control buttons. One clearly is supposed to mean “off/on.” The other two? While their recessed nature makes them easy to toggle, I honestly can’t tell the difference between two sets of three curved, parallel lines and a single circle made from two curved arrows – and no matter which one I toggle, it all seems the same to me. Fortunately, it’s all good.

-– Exclusive review for Digital Playground, by Darklady -–

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