Darklady’s Confessional: A Hand for the Dark Lady

Darklady’s Confessional
A Hand for the Dark Lady

“MASTURBATION: (Ipsism, onanism; Amatripsis-rubbing labia together, Manuxorate-male using hand, Maritate-female alone, Siphnianize-anal, Syntribate-rubbing thighs together, Triborgasmia-wife who masturbates husband) Masturbation generally refers to bringing oneself to orgasm using manual stimulation. If this is accomplished with the assistance of a partner it is then referred to as mutual masturbation, petting, or foreplay”

It’s National Masturbation Month again and you know what that means. But in case you don’t, I’ll clue you in. It means masturbating — for charity. And for those who live in Darkladyland it’s a great excuse for another party! I’ll be hosting my Second Annual Super Patriotic Portland Masturbate-a-Thon and Spring Fling on May 31st and although it’s still in the planning stages as I write this column I have every reason to believe it’s going to be another step in party – and Masturbate-a-Thon — evolution.

Perhaps you’re wondering what a Masturbate-a-Thon is. It all started five years ago when San Francisco sex toy and education shop Good Vibrations (http://www.goodvibes.com) and Seattle’s equivalent, Toys in Babeland (http://www.babeland.com) declared May “Masturbation Month.” People were encouraged to get pledges from their friends for time spent masturbating at home and the funds raised were then donated to sex-positive causes. Two years ago my friend Carol Queen (http://www.carolqueen.com) took the concept a step further by inviting people to do their fund-raising masturbation together in a San Francisco theater while they chatted, socialized, watched porn, and earned prizes for endurance, multiple orgasms, and the like. It was great fun and helped raise money for Queen’s wonderful Center for Sex and Culture.

Inspired by Carol’s event, I decided to host my own Masturbate-a-Thon. It was the first event I’d ever organized outside of my own home and proved to be a whirlwind of sexy excitement and fun, as well as being – as they say in the world of delicate euphemisms – a learning experience. Now more fully educated, backed by a team of dedicated and creative volunteer Darklings, and with an amazing venue at my disposal I am ready for round two. With the help of individuals and companies interested in becoming sponsors by donating funds or products, this should be my biggest and best party to date.

This year’s Masturbate-a-Thon will feature Portland’s first “hand orgy,” live music, dance and ambient tunes spun by my own beloved DJ Furious Bee, erotic photo galleries, kinky and sensual play spaces, dancing, a sexy May Pole, naughty fortunes hidden inside helium balloons – and so much more. Profits from the event will be divided between four agencies that have my respect and admiration for their good work in their various fields of experience: Planned Parenthood of the Columbia/Willamette (http://www.ppcw.org), Cascade AIDS Project (http://www.cascadeaids.org), The Center for Sex and Culture (http://www.centerforsexandculture.com), and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (http://www.ncsfreedom.org).

Now that you know what a Masturbate-a-Thon is, what are you waiting for? Ladies and gentlemen, start your masturbating! For the latest on the Portland Masturbate-a-Thon, visit http://www.Masturbate-a-Thon.org.

– Originally published in Playtime Magazine –

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