Darklady’s SM Parlor

Kinky Ass Play

Ass play and D/s – two good things that go together well. And two good things that are often misunderstood, even feared.

Starting in early childhood, most people begin absorbing the simple message that their asses are icky. Especially that rosy flower snugged between the buttocks. Religion reinforces the prohibition against loving one’s asshole and by adulthood most of us have an uneasy alliance at best with one of our most sensitive body parts.

We’re fortunate to live in a country with a government that still provides a fairly high level of human rights protection (and promises even more in its founding documents). Although there’s certainly room for improvement, men and women are largely equals in the eyes of the law and exist within a generally egalitarian society. This legal blessing unfortunately contributes to confusion concerning Dominant/submissive play and lifestyles, which rely upon mutually consensual power exchanges/imbalances for their foundation.

For some, anal play is an intense expression of dominance over or submission to another person. The reasons behind this are a combination of both physical and emotional factors.

  • A person who can engage in anal play comfortably has probably internalized the fact that, although taboo, there is nothing intrinsically “bad” or “wrong” about the ass or frolicking therein. For such players, part of the thrill is in knowingly violating a social more – and enjoying it without guilt. Ass play is likely to be both a pure physical pleasure and an enjoyable psychological tweak to the beard of sexual prudery.
  • Some anal enthusiasts are still grappling with residual guilt around their interest and the body part in question. This may, in fact, be part of the appeal. Although rationally aware that what they are doing is fine as long as common sense is employed, emotionally they may experience varying degrees of sensualized shame and humiliation that can be creatively incorporated into Safe, Sane and Consensual scenes. Physical enjoyment may well not be the goal of those who enjoy this type of butt play.
  • Some fans of ass sex see it is an act of great symbolism, as well as mutual pleasure. Combining the necessary elements of trust and physical effort with an acknowledgment of the social taboo and traditional view of the act as one of humility and mastery of the vanquished, can serve as a profound affirmation of emotional and ownership ties for D/s lifestylers. The vulnerability and sensation can also plunge an individual D/s scene into intense headspace.

Keep in mind that anal play does not refer exclusively to heterosexual or male homosexual penile/anal intercourse. It can include strap-on play between women, double penetration, insertion of dildos or other appropriate sex toys, as well as non-sex-specific but appropriately formed items, contact with hands, fingers, lips, or tongues, and even participation in enema activities. Anal play can be as heavy as a vigorous ass fucking during a caning – or as light as kissing your partners buttocks while delicately tracing the contours of their asshole with a fingertip or soft item such as fur or feathers. It can be as intense as anal fisting accompanied by harsh verbalizations that encourage a feeling of submission, humiliation, shame, and/or sexual excitement or as soothing as a full body rub ending in a prostate massage.

Ass romping can be of special interest to those who enjoy age play. Clearly, the younger the age to which one regresses, the closer one gets to one’s ass and its more traditional affiliations. The potential joys available to those with a love for adult-baby potty training, plastic pants, or diapering are obvious.

Those whose fetishes extend to soiling themselves may well find a “forced” enema to be especially satisfying, whether or not they choose to follow it up with actual penetration. This sort of activity can highlight definite power dynamics during age-play, medical, prison, or general D/s scenes.

Whether one does so “clean” or “dirty,” one of the keys to avoiding tissue trauma during anal penetration is lubrication, and plenty of it. Oil-based lubes (including petroleum jelly) are especially good for keeping things slippery and free of debris, but play hell on condoms and other latex goods. Water-based lubes work well, although they may need more frequent re-application. For those seeking a safer, but “forced” anal experience, lighter use of water-based lubes may provide a workable balance.

Regardless of how one ultimately engages in kinky anal play, the time, effort, joint communication and coordination required for it to be mutually satisfying can be particularly bonding for partners, especially those within D/s pairings. The trust and vulnerability offered by the submissive is as necessary for the synergistic exchange between players as the integrity and potency of the Dominant.

Careful discussion and preparation before, awareness during, and proper aftercare following scenes will increase the chances that whatever form of anal play selected will be mutually enjoyable and injury-free. Be particularly aware of possible emotional triggers, keeping in mind that the deep-seated social prohibitions against anal stimulation have the potential to bring unexpected issues to the surface. If either player is inexperienced or has lingering reservations, budgeting time after scene to unwind, discuss and transition is vital. Most importantly, go at a pace that allows for adequate feedback while initially exploring this new physical, emotional and mental territory. And remember: It doesn’t have to hurt unless you want it to.

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